Just for Today... (A Clearing)

On a personal level, this has been an amazing year for me - and although it may not look like it on the outside, I feel like a completely different person to the one who was sitting here a year ago. With 2017 almost over, I've been focusing on bringing closure to various things, ready for 2018. I'm intentionally doing this on both a physical and mental level, and unintentionally other things are also popping up as part of the process.  

This is one project I am planning on finishing - for fun!

On the physical level, I've been clearing things out - sorting my shelves, boxing up books, donating clothes and putting old notes away. It's very cathartic and is literally making space for the year ahead. I've also been clearing myself. It's been about a month since I've had alcohol or meat, and I've almost completely cut out caffeine (a few times I've forgotten, and ordered regular tea) which is fine - I'm not saying I'm giving it up, but working on a day to day basis and 'just for today'* I don't need those things. 

Following the first part of my Reiki and Seichem training, I've been practicing daily self-treatment, and meditation. I feel much better for it, despite the fact that an essential part of healing is dealing with the things that come up. One of those is needing to get closure. Like clearing the shelves, it's about making space for the new. I have lots of plans for the coming year including further training, starting a new business in the Spring, and juggling everything else a 40-something wife and mother (with an epileptic dog) has to deal with, not to mention all the things I haven't even dared to imagine yet. 

This week, as usual, I posted an intuitive card reading to one of my Instagram accounts with some guidance for the week ahead. These posts are meant for myself and anyone else they resonate with. This one said...

This week brings the opportunity to heal and move into a new level of harmony and joy. The Father of Cups represents a stability and emotional maturity that will help you to deal with something that is coming up (again!) for you this week - maybe it's something you keep pushing down rather than dealing with it, or perhaps you haven't yet acknowledged that this 'thing' has been recurring because you've buried your head in the sand about it. 

If you follow the Father of Cups' example, you will keep your head up and maintain your focus as you deal with it. Stay calm and centred. You see, you really have only two options - you can let the energy transform and release it, and experience the lightness and freedom of healing. Or you can put a lid on it, confining it to a dark and heavy place where it will become increasingly stagnant and toxic. While the metaphor works well, it's important to remember that it's not really a jar with an airtight lid - it's a place INSIDE you. Do you really want things to fester there? Or are you willing to take the opportunity to let them go? 

I don't know how this will manifest for each person reading this, but the Throat Chakra card suggests that the healing process will involve speaking out, honouring your truth or letting go of something you've been swallowing back down when it arises. If you are attentive this week, you'll know what it is when it comes up, although you may already know. 

However much you've been resisting dealing with this issue, know that on the other side of this healing there is something so much better. The 10 of Cups give a sense emotional completion, interconnection and joy. It's about being in energetic balance and harmony. When you find yourself in this position, be sure to share your light because that can help others too.

As I sat down to work on the 2018 Shining Life Workbook yesterday, one of the things I listed as needing to 'release' was the guilt over this blog. And then I realised that was MY thing which has been coming up and pushed back down. You see, I have an increasingly troublesome case of 'Blogger Guilt', which goes something like this: 
  • Feeling bad about not keeping to a regular posting schedule (which I managed for over 6 years, but has gone to pot this year).
  • Not making things for fun any more, because I should be making things I can post here...
  • ... and I should really be finishing the things I've already started before I start new projects for fun. 
  • I'm turning down collaborations with lovely people and brands (that you'd like and that they'd benefit from) because I'm just not blogging very much and I don't want to commit to deadlines. I love connecting people, so this has been a tough one for me. 
  • Not wanting to deal with the hundreds of spam comment notifications I get each week.
  • Knowing that half of my old posts now have no photos (they were hosted on Photobucket which now wants over £300 a year to show them) and that it would take WEEKS of work to fix the posts or even to remove them. It's such a big job that even if I had the time, I'd quickly lose the will. 
So you see, this has all become a huge energy drain and I'm recognising the potential effects of that. 

It's funny how you can see things much more clearly in others. A friend wrote something similar to me in an email (not about a blog, but a work situation), and I was unflinching in my advice to her. Her issue is taking up too much energy that would be better focussed elsewhere - she has to cut the ties that are holding her back. And then it hit me - I know what I need to do and I've been avoiding it. For months!  

Deep down I know that I need to release the burden of this blog - maybe not forever, but certainly 'for today'. It's no longer serving me and it's time to cut the ties that leave me feeling bad. Once I'd written these thoughts on paper, a couple of things happened. First, my head started to ache. Then I got an email from someone telling me that lots of my photos aren't showing up. Then I got a load more spam notifications. If there's one thing I have learned this year (and I think there are a lot more than one) it's that the Universe will keep throwing these things at me until I deal with the issue at hand. 

So this is a very (typically) long-winded way of saying that I'm winding things up here. For today. I may well be back, but I don't know when, and I'm giving myself the freedom of not feeling guilty for it. I'll keep the archive (including the patterns and tutorials) live but will turn off all commenting at the end of the year. My CftC Instagram account will still be going - I have some fun things to share with you that I haven't written about here and I'll be making my annual pilgrimage to Unravel in February - but for today, I'm officially hanging up my knitting needles.

It's been such a blast to get to know so many of you online and in person over the last (almost) 7 years. If you resonate with the changes I've been documenting here, you might like to follow me over at The Curious Cardslinger and on Instagram (my favourite). I have a new Facebook page too, but I don't like that as much as IG.

Before I sign off, I'll leave you with a final note, because sometimes I listen to my own advice. I'd like to invite you to look at anything in your own life that you really need to deal with. What is coming up for you again and again because you don't want to deal with it? How is it draining you? Imagine how much better you'd feel if you could let it go. Why don't you give yourself the gift of healing this Christmas? 

Much love, 
Sarah 

----
*The Reiki Precepts are:
Just for today, do not be angry
Just for today, do not worry
Just for today, be grateful
Just for today, work hard
Just for today, be kind to others.


14 comments

  1. Just for today.. WOOOHOOOOOO!!!! Well done you! xxx

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    1. Thank you, Amanda! I had a feeling that the first comment might be from you!!!! xxxx

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  2. I haven’t commented for ages but I just had to say Well Done You! You must be feeling so much lighter ✨ Best wishes for the coming year and whatever your future holds. See you on IG xx

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    1. Thank you, dear Jenni. Yes, it feels like a weight is gone from me! Will definitely see you on IG! xxx

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  3. Well done. Good luck with your next venture. Clearing the crap (and I definitely include alcohol, stimulants etc in that) can leave you feeling vulnerable and feeling all the feelings but wonderful things can happen too 😊 Looking forward to your ventures in 2018 xxxx

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    1. Thanks, Tamara! You have been a great example, actually. Hope to see you soon! xxx

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  4. It felt amazing when I decided to stop blogging and podcasting. I am hoping to go back to it next year after having a two year hiatus. I needed the mental and physical space to deal with my dad’s sickness and death. People don’t quite understand how much “work” this online life takes, especially for someone like you who puts so much thought and effort into her content.

    I hope that this freedom helps you find your loved and passion for crafting again. I know it did that for me. All the best for 2018 honey!

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    1. Ah Chrissy, I'm so happy to know that your passion has returned. You were such an inspiration to me when I was learning to knit and write! Sometimes, that space is all we need and yes, a huge amount of effort goes into it and it takes a lot of energy to maintain it over a long period. Maybe after a break, I'll come back. Maybe not. Either way, it's fine. One step at a time.

      Big hugs to you.
      xxxx

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  5. Lovely post Sarah - why do something that does not fill you with joy! And now more and more the things that we did for the love end up costing us money and time we don’t have or are not prepared to give whilst sacrificing something we do love! I love that you are going to be spending more time with your spiritual side - all love and support from me to you with that xxxxxx

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    1. Thank you so much, Louise! Sending love across the miles xxx

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  6. I'm sad to see you stepping away Sarah, but if it's the right thing for you then good on you for taking that step. I just wanted to say thank you; through your blog I've discovered dyers and designers, and fallen in love with Scheepjes and all the wonderful things that came with that. I've made two of your patterns (I'm wearing my Soundwaves cowl now in fact!) and have learned from your tutorials. Good luck with your new pursuits - may they bring you every happiness.

    Best wishes,
    Gemma

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    1. Thank you, Gemma. That's so lovely to hear. One of the things I am most proud of is connecting people (in real life and online) and I love that I've been able to do that on this platform. Your words are very kind and I'm grateful that you took the time to comment. Much love, Sarah x

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  7. I have very mixed feelings about this post--inspired to follow your courageous example and shed unwanted, unhealthy parts of my life; gladdened that you are setting out on a new, joyful path; and saddened to know we won't be hearing from you as often. At least we'll all have Instagram to see what you're up to, and I can revisit this blog for inspiration any time. You can't know how much your blog (and your always honest posts) have added to the lives of your blog followers. We are grateful for you and for all you have shown and taught us. Thank you.

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    1. Oh Judy, what a lovely comment - thank you so much! I am so pleased to have been of service to you and have really appreciated all of your comments too. You are always so kind and supportive and it really means so much. Wishing you a happy and peaceful holiday. Much love, Sarah x

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The blog is on an extended break (you can read about it in the latest post) - due to the high volume of spam, commenting will be closed for all posts at the end of 2017. Thank you!

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