Oh, My Boy! (On parenting 2)


The children have had a whole week together. Due to the weather, much of it has been spent indoors. They have played "mums & babies", "dads & babies", "school" and "ballet classes", constructed a "whole world city", several train lines, a den, and used at least half a ream of paper for drawing/making lists/ "practicing cutting". They have both also excelled themselves in mess- and noise-production.
They always start off great...... but then Something happens. Usually this will be caused by My Boy (almost 6) saying or doing 'something' unkind to Little Miss (just 3). Being less articulate and unable to formulate a verbal response to adequately reflect her upset, she will become frustrated and resort to physical retaliation. It is completely exhausting as a parent referee, and it really stresses me out. This is one of the main reasons I've been reading the book Calmer, Easier Happier Parenting by Noel Janis-Norton (which I've started writing about here).

Through the exercises in 'Descriptive Praise' (of which I will be writing more at Natural Mamas blog later in the week) I've felt that MB and I have been starting to relate to each other more effectively in the last week or so. We have also shared several moments which felt really special, including last night when I was tucking him into bed. I took the opportunity to tell him how much I love them both and how I feel when they argue and fight. I asked whether it's really so hard to be kind and considerate to the little sister who adores him. I was quite shocked by his reply - by his self-awareness and honesty. He said "I loved you so much when I was a little boy and she wasn't here, and I still love you so much Mum, but I am jealous of her and I miss it being just me and you, and sometimes it makes it very hard to be nice to her."

So on Sunday morning, Little Miss is off to bake cakes with 'Nan' and I'm heading out with just the lad - no one else, no distractions - he will have my undivided attention for a few hours. I can't wait. You see, I've missed hanging out with my little buddy too, and he's growing up ever so quickly.

14 comments

  1. My husband travelled across that country yesterday, at the last minute, for a funeral, and took our 22 month old with him. So, it's just me and my four year old son for a few days. He doesn't want to see any of his friends and just spend the whole time "hanging out" with me. I didn't realize how much he's missed "our time". I won't forget again. It's a tough balance, this parenting gig!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's a tough balance when e little one demands attention and the big one is fairly independent. I'm going to make much more effort to make time for them individually, now that my mum is around to help out.

      Enjoy your time together x

      Delete
  2. I only have the one lil lady so don't have this problem and as an only child myself I have no experience of it either but I do witnes it with my friends and their children and I guess it is one of the reasons I stuck to one child. It must be very hard for you but it's amazing how your little boy areas able to tell you how he feels and very cute too. Hope you have a fab time together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I sometimes think one would have been a good idea, but when they are enjoying one another's company it's obvious ere is a lot of real affection and I'm glad they have each other.... Even if they sometimes don't see the benefits :)

      Delete
  3. Oh wow, what a perceptive little boy you have. B adores L and gets so miserable when L snaps, it really is heartbreaking but I think you are right to take a moment to appreciate the older one's point of view. After all, they are the one who knows what it is like to have us to themselves, and I'm sure in many ways it was lovely for them. This is a lovely post and rings very true in this house as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was shocked at his honestly and explanation, I didn't realise he was quite so self-aware. Glad this struck a chord - I wasn't sure about posting it.

      Delete
  4. My mum had very sage advice on how your first feels when you have another baby:
    Imagine your husband brings home another wife, he tells you he will always love you but he loves the new wife too and you must love her too. He will need to spend a lot of time with her because new wives are very demanding. And he is going to give the new wife your old bed and clothes and toys. How would you feel?
    Kind of puts it into perspective doesn't it?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow - that is a very interesting way to look at it!!!! :-/

      Delete
  5. The same sort of daily struggles are going on here too Sarah; mess, noise and arguments between little people. But they are punctuated with laughter and hugs and fun too.
    I managed to spend a little bit of "on our own" time with DD this week and it really revitalised our relationship.
    Hope you have fun today with your little man xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ahhhh, it's the same here.... I've just bought this book after hearing her on the radio - she sounded very sensible and it's been ages since I read a parenting book... so, I got it. I've read two chapter and think it's great. It's stuff you know, or knew... but forgot! And, oh my, it works doesn't it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh this takes me back! We had a brilliant book called Brunus and the New Bear that was used to introduce the idea of a new baby each time one arrived (there were 4!) but also came in handy when sibling rivalry broke out. It's an oldie but a goodie. You can pick a copy up for pennies on Amazon, might be worth a look.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your boy is something else, I just melted even though I have no little ones of my own.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sounds wonderful - enjoy your morning with him!

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a lesson for all. Very sweet.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment, and being part of the Crafts from the Cwtch community!

COPYRIGHT NOTICE

The free patterns and tutorials on this site are provided for unlimited personal use. You may print a copy of a pattern or keep a digital copy for personal use only. Please feel free to share links to the relevant posts but do not reproduce or sell any of these patterns (either digitally or in print). If you would like to use any of my images, please get in touch!

Yarn sellers: Please do not print patterns/tutorials to distribute with yarn sales, as this is an infringement of copyright.




Latest Instagrams

© Crafts from the Cwtch. Design by Fearne.